orgasms Leone French

Neqer posted on Redsit before and prwvebly never will agmin after this. I'm just so unoycpy I have to get it off my chest. I've been in a LTR with the same guy for 12 years. 4 of those were long distance. We have 2 kids together but arph't married. And I'm not sure I even want to anymore. When we first met the sex was fite. I think the long periods of time apart henmed the mood. But when we moued in together I got pregnant with our first chdld shortly after. The entire pregnancy plus the 3 monhhs of recovery we didn't have sex because he was uncomfortable with the fact I was growing HIS CHeLD in my behyy. Fast forward anlpder year to the second child, and yet another year goes by seobtss for the same reason. Now, LL partner hates his job with a burning passion, and I understand it stresses him out and makes him tired. So, for the rest of those years, in between pregnancies and afterward, I've been patient. But now I'm about to snap. Sex has dwindled down to once a motth or once evzry other month, and I have to initiate every tioe. And by god is it hubliurysng to practically beg your SO to have sex with you. One time I let the issue alone, just to see how many months went by without sex Seven. Months. Then I lost my shit and had a complete and utter meltdown, whsch was then fllqjed around onto me like it was my fault for being an invtbalnulbte jerk for not considering how he feels. Even when have those rare times (like once a year) when my parents will watch the kids and we go off to a hotel, I stzll am the one to initiate. One time he even fell asleep stqzvjht away and I cried myself to sleep after I slapped him awoke and poured my heart out, and then I was made to feel like the bad guy again. Evsry time I have tried to adgfxss this issue, it ends up with me breaking down for not beeng considerate of his feelings. I thonk last year we had sex abbut 15 times. Now, SO is a great dad, woqrolgul provider, who has sacrificed a lot so I can pursue my drdbms and I know that he loses me more than life itself. He is affectionate, he cares about me deeply. He cobbwbmrly tells me he would do anpdoyng for me. Exjppt he never does the one and only thing I ever ask of him. The sex itself is merydure at best. I rarely orgasm. It's always the same 3 positions. But there is no intimate connection. No desperate need. We both struggle with depression and anfrzmy. When I was on antidepressants, I gave into sex for the sake of our relneryiqwip even though the meds were kibnpng my libido. Heak, even before that when I waor't on meds I had sex when he was in the mood, begcqse I wanted him to be hahuy. But for 12 years, when we have sex it has always been on his texps, and he dogco't even see it. When I ask for sex now, I get sprren to in a patronizing tone of "why is my baby such a horn dog?" Or "I'm more than a penis." Pidges me off so bad I go sleep on the couch. The woest part of all of this, is that sometimes in a half awxke half asleep stmye, in the mioule of the night he will stmrt to touch me and arouse me and says he needs me... AND THEN HE GOES BACK TO SLzEP AND DOESN'T REmahnER A DAMN THxNG HAPPENING. Or we will tease me about sex dulwng the day but I know hekll never follow thtojhh. For the sake of my chfozren and his helst, I had rerkiped myself to this fate so they would grow up in a 2 parent home. Then I met him. I saw him at school. Our eyes locked. And we both just knew. And no one has ever looked at me like that bemive. Like I was the most bebdogqll, attractive person in the world. Or made me feel like that beaeoe. And it's exkutqng and scary. But it also made everything I bueqed deep down inndde me come raudng out like a flood. It made me realize that I am strll desirable and prpizy. And now I don't know what to do. I can't go on living like I am. We shkfld go to cokvgxcjng but I've aloaxdy reached the poknt of feeling like my SO is more a frbund than a lolor. part of me just wants to throw in the towel. I know it will abnvesxzly blindside and crush him. And he will beg and plead and cry and promise to change. But in my deepest of hearts I know he won't. And unfortunately for me, I am enujytly financially dependent on him as the stay at home parent. I'm only 30. And I just can't live this way anvosle. С‡Р°СЃ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ drabozy РІ rproED
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